Post #3

I don't know if I should be blaming pregnancy hormones or what!? Yesterday & today however were complete failures.  I flunked in the mommy-be-patient moments!

Yesterday:
Mia has been attempting to put on her own shoes - awesome right!? Well, she had a tendency to put them on the wrong feet - which of course makes her limp and whine.  I calmly bent down on to my knees - our "let's put our shoes on" pose.  She stood at me, glaring (something she has inherited from her Nana - sorry Mom, but it's true) Then her eyes welled up with big warm tears and one by one they fell to the floor.  I hugged her, and told her how proud I was of her still.  More tears.  I am starting to hate these shoes - the thought flies through my head.  I sit her down.  Try to take the right one off the left foot - she collapses to the ground.  Face first loud screams are muffled poorly by the hardwood floor.  I pick her up and move her onto the comfy chair.  One shoe off, one shoe on.  Why is she so emotional about this??

I tell her to breathe.  She glares at me - more tears, more screams.  "Breathe Mia."  - in my most rational calm voice I can muster up.  "Breathe Mia!" - not so calm.  "BREATHE MIA!!" That's when I flung the soother in her direction.  (something I've been trying to let go of for 3 months now) She suckled immediately - lungs heaving, face tear streaked, shirt wet, sweating.

I tried.  I tried to stay as calm as I could - but then I realized - I wasn't breathing either.  The entire fiasco was being fed my own irrational emotions (hormones??).  I hugged her again and hid the shoes. 

Today:
Our lovely international student loves to pan-fry.  Fine.  The smoke alarm however seems to ignore this hazardous cooking.   I bought new batteries for it - thinking this MUST be the problem!

I replaced them - the stupid thing BEEEEEEEPED!

Loud noises & Mia are NOT friends! Ever since birth - she has conniption fits when there's a loud, sudden noise (including laughter, alarms, knocks on the front door)  Well, smoke detectors are among that list of loud things to be afraid of.

She wailed!! She wailed! At nothing - at a small sudden beep! Okay, yes she was tired.  Yes I have a wicked headache which cannot be cured by regular Tylenol, so I may be over sensitive here.  I picked her up.  "You're okay - it's just a loud noise.  Calm calm now." Even our student was shocked at her reactions.

Then BEEEEEEP! (stupid alarm!) More wailing.  Okay - enough! the thing is dismantled on the kitchen counter now.  I fly upstairs Mia in my arms still crying.  She is now soaked to the bone! A freshly cleaned diaper only 40 minutes before is now wet as the Atlantic ocean.  She was that scared.  She was trembling.

I put her down (frustrated though - as this is something she is going to have to become more accustomed to - as the world is a rather noisy place to live)  I strip her down - she is shaking.  I put a new diaper on her, put her in clean warm pjs (more frustrated as she is resisting me and not co-operating in the least) Zip the zipper and then place her in her bed.  She lies down.  Limp as a noodle.

I try to hug her, but she won't have it.  She looks away.  I am annoyed! I just saved you, and you hate me?!?! Fine! I leave the room - huffing and puffing.  I wait a minute until I can hear that she is starting to sob again.  I re-enter the room - it's dark.  She's now sitting up.  I come to the edge of the bed, and she reaches out for me.  I hug her and kiss her and explain why I cannot always be okay about her tears and irrational fears.  (yes I actually used the word irrational with a 20 month old)

I lay down beside her and said my sorry - through my own salty tears.  I remind her of the Mexican adventures only she and I had - how she was my travel buddy.  How I dreamed of so many things we would do together.  I promised her that I would try harder to calm myself first.

This is where I was awoken to the issue - I have to calm ME first in order to calm her.  I have to. as they say, 'Practice what I preach'.  It is a thousand times more difficult than I though it would be.  I cannot use pregnancy as an excuse though - as one day I will have my period, or go through menopause (the joys of womanhood) and I want her to be as calm during those moments as she possibly can be.  So I must learn too.  Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.

Tomorrow is a new day.  I really need to start with some stretches ... and more water - which is what I think caused the awful headache today.

Breathe.